Contemporary fiction
Four and a half stars
This is Nelson's first book. She creates a story around Lennie, a seventeen-year-old band geek who lives with her grandmother and older sister, Bailey. Lennie has always been the quiet one, living in contrast with Bailey, who is passionate and beautiful and fearless. But in a sudden and tragic accident, Bailey dies, forcing Lennie to take control of her own life. In the devastating aftermath, Lennie is pulled toward two different boys. One is Toby, Bailey's old boyfriend, who relates to her grief and helps her in it. The other is Joe, a boy recently moved to town, full of life and joy and music, who separates her from her grief. In her journey to recovery, Lennie must decide who she is without her sister, who she wants to be, and who will be there with her.
It's been a while since I've read this, and I forgot how much I love it. It made me cry more than once, perhaps because I can relate to it. I have an older sister and a strong connection with music, and these relationships are so magnificently described in this novel. Nelson is one of the most beautiful writers I have come across. Her language is so abstract, so poetic, and able to carry such deep emotion in so little words. Between every chapter is a little note written by Lennie on various mediums, and these poems have such impact on the story, on understanding Lennie's character. She is at times difficult to connect with, but you feel her grief so intensely that you never completely lose her. The relationship painted between her and Bailey is incredibly strong, you feel yourself break at her loss, suffer through her grief. That is another thing about the book - all the characters are so deep, so three-dimensional. They all have their own story and identities, and this creates moments of incredible rawness and intensity. I thought this was going to be another awful love-triangle book, but it is refreshingly realistic. You see Lennie's guilt for her feelings toward Toby, her uncertainty about Joe's character. This realness is so evident in the novel's dealings with loss and love and music and healing. It is just a beautiful work.
"My sister will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving Bailey because I will never stop loving her. That's just how it is."
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