My Summer To-Read List

I haven't had the chance to read a lot of books outside of school lately, so here are some of the ones I'm excited to get to once summer starts.

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson: I need to read this immediately because I loved her first novel. It's about a relationship between twins who have grown apart, and I'm 90% sure it'll make me cry.

Red Rising by Pierce Brown: I've been in the mood for a good sci-fi novel, and this one has gotten a lot of notice. It's the first of a larger trilogy (the second book was just released in January).

Rooms by Lauren Oliver: Another one of my favourite YA authors. I'm really curious to see her write something different - this one's a family drama with a kind of paranormal twist.

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins: This is supposed to be the year's new Gone Girl, which I really enjoyed. A woman witnesses something shocking on her daily commute and becomes implicated in the lives of two strangers.

The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith: I loved Rowling's other adult novel, so I'm really excited to see how she handles a mystery. This one's also part of a larger series (she's stated her plan for at least eight Strike novels).

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson: So many people have recommended this author to me, and I'd really like to try an epic fantasy that's not Game of Thrones. It's a ten-part series, with the third book expected to come out next year.

   

A Man and a Window

He sits and stares at the numbers, those endless curves and strikes, the page unraveling as his eyes move downward. The meaning becomes lost.

"I want that report in by seven, John."

I want to be able to take the elevator. 

His glasses slip down the curve of his nose but he doesn't push them up. He is conscious of their weight then, the pressure of the frames and the space outside them.

"There's a lot to be done, John. You'd better get started."

There is so much I cannot see. 

He notices a spot on his shirt, a faded stain just above his belt. Neapolitan ice cream, or dirt. He will go to the laundromat this week and linger there because the smell reminds him of home and funerals.

"What are you waiting for?"

He looks out the window. I am waiting for courage. I am waiting for fear. 

Review: The Adoration of Jenna Fox

The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E Pearson
Science Fiction
Four stars

Jenna Fox wakes up from a year-long coma with hardly any memory of her life before. Her brain has basically re-booted itself after a traumatic accident, and she has to learn how to speak and walk again with the help of her overprotective parents and reclusive grandmother. But as she re-explores the world around her, Jenna discovers events and memories that don't add up with what she's been told, and she begins to search for answers about the truth surrounding her past and how she survived.

So I haven't read this in a while, but I remember really liking Pearson's writing style. It's simple and bright and innocent, and it just fits so well with the character. Jenna's naiveté and observations are so insightful and refreshing - I love her struggle to relearn social conventions. And that's the thing, Pearson crafts such an interesting world, but it never takes away from character. It's all about Jenna's voice and experience, and then there are these poems spread throughout the story that beautifully reflect her thoughts (similar to the style in The Sky Is Everywhere). The novel is just a lovely portrayal of human life and ethics and the relationships within it and what it means to be an individual. And I'm in love with the title.

“There is something about her eyes. Eyes don't breathe. I know that much. But hers look breathless.”

Finish the series: The Fox Inheritance and Fox Forever by Mary E Pearson (I haven't read these, but I've heard they're more like companion novels than sequels)

Also recommended: The Cold Awakening trilogy by Robin Wasserman

A Little Quote

I'm reworking a short story right now, and whenever I feel a little lost I always find inspiration in other writers' quotes. This one stood out today:

“Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works" -Virginia Woolf

Review: If I Stay

If I Stay by Gayle Forman
Contemporary fiction
Four stars

Mia is a seventeen-year-old cellist set to go to Julliard, a decision that would mean moving away from her family and boyfriend, Adam. A tragic car accident soon puts this choice in perspective and forces her to make a new, infinitely harder one - to stay in a world that promises only loss and hurt or to leave everything, including Adam, behind. Caught in between life and death, Mia is able to watch those around her as they grieve and hope while she decides what matters most and where that will take her.

The idea of it sounds kind of cliché, but something about the writing and the characters pulls everything together beautifully. The style is simple and poetic, and the musical aspect adds so much depth and character - Mia's passion colours all of her relationships, especially with Adam. And her connection to him doesn't dictate the whole novel; it's not really about the love story, it's about friendship and family and music and what living means. There's something honest about her character and her struggles, not only with this decision but in her insecurities, her dreams. Good writing always connects you with the character, and this novel is really truthful in the way it portrays emotions and the weight of loss - you feel what this decision means and what it will cost.

“You can have your wishes, your plans, but at the end of the day, it's out of your control."

Finish the series: Where She Went by Gayle Forman (I haven't read it yet, but I've heard good things)

A Little Note on Bad Writing

There's a lot of crap out there. The YA genre is notorious for its uniformity and generally bad writing, and that's part of the reason I started this blog. There are good writers and there are good books in this category, but it took me a while to be able to pick them out. The trouble is, a lot of the bad writing sells because people want fast and easy reads - and there's nothing wrong with that, but it can be hard to find books in this genre if you want to be challenged. And that's a lovely definition: good writing should challenge you, it should make you think about the characters and their decisions and their relationships. The function of all literature is to communicate some kind of truth, and when it doesn't accomplish this, writing suffers.

“Bad writing is more than a matter of shit syntax and faulty observation; bad writing usually arises from a stubborn refusal to tell stories about what people actually do― to face the fact, let us say, that murderers sometimes help old ladies cross the street.” -Stephen King

A Little Experiment

A whisper. A tremble. That fluid motion, that nothingness that wraps around. A stirring. A gust. That gentle lift, that skimming and shaping. The branches shift and lean, the grasses shimmer. A murmur, a movement. The leaves shiver and fold, shiver and fold. A silence, a tension. A building up, a turning in and tightening of things. The strong boughs creak, the earth quivers and breaths are held and everything is suspended – a pause. Then it comes, a rush, pushing, shoving, curling out and pouring over, whistling and slicing and curving around the edges, ripping through that emptiness and the hollow trees and pulling and clawing, dragging pieces and parts. A swirling, a screaming, a spectacular chaos, those mad fingers gripping and tearing and all the fragments twisting and spinning and the branches leaning and cracking and the dirt uplifted and everything losing its breath. A final thrust of air, that triumphant blast while the leaves still linger, the trees still sway, the world seems to shift and then – then just as soon a falling, a lessening, a quieting of it all. That hollow moan of things returning, drifting, settling. A hush, a stillness. The soft slow glow of life, the spreading calm and swelling silence. Everything sighs, everything waits. Everything has breath again. 

Review: The Casual Vacancy

The Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling
Adult fiction
Four stars

The town of Pagford appears to be a quaint countryside community, but when council member Barry Fairbrother dies suddenly, it becomes a war zone. The now empty council seat is up for grabs in the next election, and the fight to win it leads the town into chaos. Relationships between friends, neighbours, spouses, and children are pushed to breaking as secret motives and dangerous lies are uncovered.

I had heard mixed reviews about this, but after reading a bunch I realized most of the negative ones were just complaining about how it wasn't Harry Potter. Really. So I gave it a go, and the book does start off pretty slow, but around halfway through I couldn't stop reading. I wasn't sure what to expect since this was Rowling's first shot at adult fiction, but she's a strong writer and her characters are fascinating. The novel is very much about the complex relationships and attitudes that the characters have, and you're reading from various perspectives so you get a very comprehensive view of everything that goes on. And all of them are three-dimensional and so different - some you understand, some you hate. I think the best part of the book is its portrayal of humans and their lives and interactions, it's beautifully realistic and broken and messy. It focuses on the ugly bits of life, the hate and the insecurity and pain, and it's just incredibly honest about it all.

“You must accept the reality of other people. You think that reality is up for negotiation, that we think it's whatever you say it is. You must accept that we are as real as you are; you must accept that you are not God.” 

Some Things About Writing

Writing is what I want to do. I know this in the deepest part of me because I honestly can't picture doing anything else. It's the most incredible experience when you find the right word, the right phrase, when you create something that breathes. Writing is one of the most beautiful ways we connect to each other, and I'm so glad that I know this is what I want to spend my life doing. But it can be bloody hard.
It's so easy to get discouraged when you can't find that word or phrase, when your ideas just seem disconnected or worthless. I've fallen into a bit of a block, and I think it's because I haven't been practicing. Writing, like any other discipline, takes work and constant focus - it's not just something you do when you feel inspired. If you really want to write, I'm learning that you have to work at it every day, play with new ideas, and create your own inspiration. Don't force yourself in one direction, but write whatever comes to you. It may be brilliant or terrible, but taking the time to get something down is better than nothing, and it keeps up your creative flow. You might surprise yourself.

So here is a small list of exercises to inspire you (and myself) to keep writing:

1. Stream-of-consciousness. Just sit down for about 3-5 minutes and write whatever comes to your mind. This one is hard for me because I have a tendency to over-think when I write.

2. Create a small character sketch. Give them a name, a personality, a back story. What motivates them? What do they want?

3. Describe something using a list of adjectives or associated words. You can pick an object in the room (a clock), an occurrence/event (rain), anything that speaks to you.

4. Write a dialogue between two people. Don't worry about characters or descriptions, just focus on the words and conversation. This is usually a tricky part for me in writing, because I find it difficult to come up with something that sounds natural.

5. Read. Reading good books and good writing is the best inspiration you can get. Learn from other writers and immerse yourself in their style, their words. Writing is a relational process, and it's so important to experience it from the other side.

A Small Reflection

Why is it that we are so inclined to destruction?

Why are we so intrigued by danger, accidents, disasters?

Is it because we rejoice at the chance for renewal? For healing?

Or do we simply want to watch the world

collapse

cave

crumble

and fall away until there is nothing left to burn?

Review: A Game of Thrones

A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Epic Fantasy
Four and a half stars

Outside the protective walls of a medieval society, dark forces are at work. In this foreign land, the long summer is coming to an end, and winter is on its way. It is a critical time for the king, whose adviser has suddenly passed away. His power is weakening as a new threat rises in the east and those closest to him plot betrayal. Lord Eddard Stark is called to be the king's new Hand, a position which places him and his family at the center of everything. Secrets are kept, battles are fought, and enemies are made as the characters strive to win the throne.

So I was confused for about the first 100 pages - there's like, a million characters and plot lines, and the novel kind of throws you into all of it. But I also liked the lack of explanations, it made the story feel more natural, more realistic. It's a bit of a longer book, but it really lets you get in touch with the characters and become absorbed in the world. And I think my favourite part was the characters themselves - they're each so beautifully complex with their own relationships, motives, and secrets. You just get so deep into their experiences - I was surprised by how passionate I became about some of them (cough Joffrey). Each chapter gives you a different perspective, which can get a little confusing and frustrating, but the stories are so overlapping that you don't lose the flow of them. And Martin is able to write in such an engaging way; it's clear and descriptive, and it's got that medieval feel to it that fits perfectly with the genre. You can tell he must have done cussloads of research, and that really makes it feel authentic. Everything about the book just comes together so beautifully, and you can't help but fall into this world of manipulation, betrayal, and war.

“When you play a game of thrones you win or you die.” 

Finish the series: A Clash of Kings, A Storm of Swords, A Feast for Crows, and A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin

A Third Little Poem

I want to reach and grab the

stars, squeeze them in my fist

and wring them out 

until I hold all the
magic
of the world

Review: Divergent

Divergent by Veronica Roth
Dystopian fiction
Four stars

Tris Prior lives in a society divided into five factions: Candor the honest, Abnegation the selfless, Dauntless the brave, Amity the peaceful, and Erudite the intelligent. Turning sixteen means choosing which virtue you will dedicate the rest of your life to. Growing up in Abnegation, Tris has always felt out of place, and the decision she makes at the choosing ceremony shocks those around her. She is soon thrown into an intense initiation period which will push her to the edge and challenge her beliefs. Surrounded by threats, secrets, and betrayal, she manages to find friends and even romance in a society that is not everything it seems.

So the book starts off pretty slow, but believe me, it speeds up. I think I had about seven heart attacks while reading this. I know teen dystopias are getting rather old, but Roth manages to bring some life to the genre - the factions, the characters, and just the focus of the novel are so refreshing. And the writing itself pulls you in. There's no fluff, just raw actions and emotions, which can be really intense at times. We're reading the story from Tris' perspective, so the reader really experiences the events right with her. This is great, except as a character she can often be unpredictable and hard to follow. I felt like I never quite understood her or fully got in her head, which created a bit of a disconnect. But it definitely kept me interested, because I had no idea how she would react to things. What I really enjoyed was her character, the trials she goes through, and her struggle with identity. That is the focus of the novel, and the romance almost becomes secondary. Her relationship is intense and dark and real, but it's not the whole picture. The book isn't about Tris finding herself through love, it's about courage and corruption and how far we can push ourselves before we break.

“Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”

Finish the series: Insurgent and Allegiant, the third book coming out this year by Veronica Roth

Wishes and Birds

I thought it would be different.

I thought the clouds would gather themselves in shame and the river would look more blue and the birds would not dare taunt me with their freedom.

I thought the world would stop.

But people are still moving still pushing forward still living and I am here breathless insignificant alone.

I want to be numb, to not feel the wind burning my skin the cool metal against my feet the caving hollow in my chest. Everything latches on to me and all I want is to be weightless.

I let go.

Review: Anna and the French Kiss

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins
Contemporary fiction
Four stars

Anna's life is going well: she's headed to senior year with her best friend and crush/possible boyfriend. Then her parents ship her off to boarding school in Paris. Thrown into the unfamiliar, Anna struggles with language barriers and adapting to a new city and culture. But she soon finds friends, and among them is Etienne St Clair. With his British accent and bright personality, she falls hard and fast. The only problem is his girlfriend. Conflicted between these new feelings and her sort-of-relationship back home, Anna's journey is filled with romantic tension, betrayal, and honesty.

Here comes the cheese. I realize this book isn't going to get any awards for originality, but I just loved reading it. The writing is pretty simple, but there's a depth to it too in her observations and interactions. The characters aren't particularly developed, especially the secondary ones, but I really didn't care. It's not distracting enough to take away from the overall plot. I just enjoyed it - I was grinning and laughing with the characters, I understood Anna's struggles and dilemmas. Her relationship with Etienne was quite realistic in that sense, the awkwardness and frustration and pacing. And there's another level to the story, it's not just a cheesy romance novel. It's about experiencing new things and growing from them and learning to adjust. It's about friendship. Also, it just made me really want to fall in love with a British guy.

“How many times can our emotions be tied to someone else's - be pulled and stretched and twisted - before they snap? Before they can never be mended again?”

Some Things I Find Beautiful

I think there are a lot of ugly things in this world. There are deaths, battles, fears, lies. They gather around us, sink into the air, spill over our feet. We are fallen.
But I also think that we are surrounded by beauty. I think that it can be found anywhere if we know how to look. I think we can draw it out from the darkness and surround ourselves in it, become lost in those hidden moments. So here are some things I find beautiful:

1. Words. There is beauty in the combination of words, in their patterns and expression and meaning. Words are language, they are how we communicate. We communicate to learn information, to inspire, to create relationships. And having a relationship, building a connection with someone, is at the very core of what it is to be human.

2. Trees. I use them a lot in my writing because they are such a symbol of strength, of growth. We become so desensitized to them, but when you actually stop and just look at one, it's incredibly complex. The way they unfold and expand outward, how there are so many sections and crossings. So many individual leaves. How they change throughout the seasons, blending colours and adapting. It's just crazy.

3. Children. They have such amazing creativity and imagination. They are not held back by logic, by responsibility, by social norms. I feel like we lose something as we grow up, some part of us that believes the floor is lava and capes can make you fly. There is beauty in that, the freedom.

4. Actions. Our acts can be beautiful, how we respond to and treat other people. Being aware and open-minded, realizing that we are all humans with our own stories and experiences. Beauty is not limited to visual stimuli, it is in the things we do. I am inspired when I see this, when someone smiles back or offers directions or lends me some change if I don't have enough. Beautiful actions make beautiful people.

5. Laughter. I love the laughter that just explodes deep in you, that creates sounds you never thought you could make. I love the ache in your stomach after, the soreness in your cheeks. I love how contagious it is.

6. Rain. Whenever it rains I just want to run outside and dance in it. I want to feel it against my face, let it run down my spine. It's like thousands of diamonds streaming from the sky, feeding the earth. There's just something so magical about it.

Another Little Poem

I twist the ring around my finger,

pull it off then put it on again.

I sit down on the grass

beside you. I tell you about

my day, how I

saw an old friend

bought a new shirt

found a penny on the ground.

The wind comes then and

I swear I can smell your

perfume, the one that smells

like daisies and red candy.

I stop talking and silence folds

around us. I keep playing with

the ring, but when I try to put it

back on it won’t fit.

I feel it then,

a tear running down my cheek

and then more come and

they won’t stop and it’s so

cold and my fingers are

trembling and I can’t get this

damn ring back on.

I close my eyes and

fall back against the grass

right beside you. I tell you about

my day, how I

stayed awake for hours

smelled your perfumes

stared at old pictures of you

until I had them memorized.

And I lie there next to you

and imagine you are

holding my hand. 

Review: The Fault in Our Stars

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
Contemporary fiction
Five stars

This book is about a girl named Hazel who has been diagnosed with a severe form of thyroid cancer. She's been surviving off of miracle pills, but she knows her illness has always been a terminal one. Limited by the oxygen tank she carts around, Hazel spends her time attending college classes and reading. And prompted by her mother, she attends a cancer support group where she meets the sexy, in-remission Augustus Waters. As their relationship develops, they will push and guide each other through pain, discovery, and love as they examine what it means to live and leave a mark on the world.

I usually don't buy books that I haven't read yet (from a friend or library), but I took a chance with this one. It just had such good reviews and the praises on the back are from three of my favourite authors - Markus Zusak, Jodi Picoult, and E. Lockhart. I had high expectations, and even though it was different from how I thought it would be, I fell in love. I fell in love with the writing, with the characters, with the pure rawness of the novel. This is my first John Green book, and he is just ridiculous. He manages to capture the spirit of a teenage girl so well in his writing, and he does it with such amazing depth and insight. His observations are striking in their beauty and realness, in their ability to evoke power in truth. I just read his words over and over. And his writing allows for such a connection with Hazel, for the way she sees the world and the people around her. The relationships are so realistically portrayed and developed, not only between her and Augustus, but with her parents as well. The dialogue between the characters is both hilarious and devastating. Picoult says it perfectly: "Filled with staccato bursts of humour and tragedy." I was literally laughing in the middle of my sobbing. But what really made the book was just the reality of it. The idea is not particularly unique, with the terminal illness and everything, but Green manages to bring such originality to it. You see the characters at their worst, you see the effects cancer has, not only on their life, but their family's. The cover calls it "irreverent," which I think is the perfect description. It is not some cheesy story about acceptance and coming to terms with death. It is about suffering and fear and finding meaning where you can.

I just want to keep reading it forever.

“I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is improbably biased toward consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it - or my observation of it - is temporary?”

Also recommended: How to Say Goodbye in Robot by Natalie Standiford. This just reminds me of it.

Those Perfect Stars

Well it took me long enough, but I finally finished my short story. There comes a point in writing where you have to stop editing and just be done with it. So I hope you enjoy it. I hope it makes you feel something, helps you find meaning. That's all any writer can ask.

Please read it here. 

Review: Fall for Anything

Fall for Anything by Courtney Summers

Contemporary fiction

Four and a half stars

Eddie Reeves's father has committed suicide and she is left reeling in the aftermath, surrounded by questions that can never be answered. Her father was a brilliant photographer, full of life and inspiration and love. What could cause him to leave everything behind? Distancing herself from her friends, she soon becomes acquainted with one of her father's old students, Culler Evans, who reveals things about him that she never knew. With his help, she tries to uncover explanations, but their attraction grows and the relationship takes a dark turn. Eddie is shaken from grief but she needs Culler's help, and she must decide what she is willing to do for answers, and if they are truly worth knowing.

Courtney Summers is one of those authors I hate. I hate her for the way she touches subjects so deep in so few words, for how she captures the rawness of emotions so beautifully, and basically for her outrageous writing. She has been one of my biggest inspirations, and I am so envious of her talent. Her style is very distinct, very abstract and fragmented. This adds a powerful imagery to her writing. You become so engaged with the story and characters, so consumed in their emotions and struggles. Eddie's loss, not just of her father, but of herself, paints the whole novel, and there is an incredible connection between reader and character. Summers is so talented at developing her characters, making each one unique and giving you such a strong sketch of their personality. The relations and tensions between them are magnetic, explosive, beautiful. You are drawn in. And although the conflicts in her writing tend toward the dark, they are lightened by moments of laughter, joy, discovery. It's just a magical novel about death and friendship and letting go.

Just read it already.

“This is awful. This is so hopeless. We're all lost in different ways, so how do we even help each other find our way out. We won't. We can't. We'll just stay lost forever.”

Also recommended: Some Girls Are and Cracked Up to Be by Courtney Summers